My pain began at a young age. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, one of alcoholism, physical abuse, and incest. As an adult, I made a decision to live a healthier life, but I still carried a lot of beliefs about myself rooted in my family of origin. The decisions my family made impacted my life.
Viewing Myself Through the Lens of Victimization
I went into therapy to heal my wounded child but I found I continued to view myself through the lens of victimization. I considered myself an abuse survivor which further influenced the way I thought and felt about myself which in turn affected my decisions. Through the Holy Spirit’s revelation of truth, I began to discover a change needed to be made in the way I viewed myself. My thoughts and feelings needed to be renewed if my life would ever be different from my parents.
A Light Switch Turned On One Day
A light switch turned on one day and I chose to become an overcomer. Although the revelation seemed an instantaneous one, it took a couple of decades for me to arrive there. The Holy Spirit had been preparing me, and waiting patiently for a long time for me to be ready to receive the truth.
The decision to see a new image in my mirror began with an AHA moment, but the work became a long-term commitment. Every day I made the decision to lay down an old mirror, and some days I had to make the decision more than once.
The beliefs I carried around were deeply rooted with thoughts and feelings attached to them. It wasn’t as simple as saying I don’t believe “that” anymore. A new truth needed to replace each lie. Each time I looked in my mirror and faced another lie, thoughts, and feelings needed to be replaced with the truth as well.
The reflection looking back at me was still the same me on the outside, but no longer me on the inside. I was changing, growing, healing and hoping: Hoping one day I would be able to look in my mirror and see the beauty my heavenly father saw, not the brokenness the enemy showed me every day.
I wanted so badly to be a woman restored, but as an adult, I still owned several cracked mirrors from my wounded childhood. Like many women who have experienced abuse, I added many more mirrors to my collection through the years. These mirrors made nice replacements for the broken ones. They were my makeover mirrors and they came in handy when a cracked one was causing me major discomfort. I spent many years substituting makeover mirrors for cracked ones. I would tuck the cracked mirror away when it started pulling at my emotions and I would reach for one of my makeover mirrors.
How Many Mirrors Should a Woman Have!?
My mirrors were endless! I had a mirror from the clothing store, the car dealership, and the better neighborhood store. In addition to those, I also had a career mirror, university mirror, ministry mirror and words of affirmation mirror. And lastly, the best one of all, my “cool single mom” mirror. Each time I needed to feel better about myself, I could grab one of my mirrors. When the enemy would shove his fractured mirror in my face, I would reach into my tightly packed closet and grab one of mine.
My closet burst forth with makeover mirrors and the enemies hands were full of cracked ones. I was exhausted with digging in that closet. It was time for ONE NEW MIRROR and to toss all the other mirrors out, makeover and cracked alike.
One New Makeover Mirror
The image of Jesus is our original mirror –the only one that tells you who you really are. I did not want to be told: “I was the fairest in the kingdom.” I wanted to know who I was and why I existed. Only the one who created me could give me the answer– so to God I went.
Once You Know Who God Is, You Will Uncover Who You Are.
I had four responsibilities if my major makeover was to be a success.
1. I stopped listening to the enemy who constantly tried to convince me I was someone I was not.
2. I stopped relying on false images to comfort me.
3. I looked at my new Mirror – Jesus. I saw myself in Him. In Him was my answers – my truth – my beauty.
4. I spent time with God. If I was created in the image of God, then I needed to know more about God before I could truly know anything more about me.
This is where I began. Looking at Jesus in my new mirror and learning from God who created me with love.
Oh, and I made sure all those old mirrors were picked up on trash day so I would not be tempted to pull them back out later!